I don’t even know how to start this one.

It’s been another busy week – a Benny Shakes kind of week – where the body says one thing, the brain says another, and the world just keeps spinning.

Thursday, I woke up and it was chucking it down. So, no farm work for me.

Instead, I took myself to the shed — my happy place — and got stuck into building more birdhouses out of old teapots. Sounds mad, I know. But they’re quirky, they work, and people love them.

And slowly, the orders are coming in. I’ve already got four to finish by the end of the month, and that’s something to smile about. Every birdhouse I sell is another bit of fuel in the tank to get me to my next gig.

But while I was sawing and drilling, my brain went into overdrive.
Thinking about the past, the present, and how the hell I’m going to keep feeding myself while doing what I love.

It’s hard sometimes. Not going to lie.

One thing I’ve noticed recently is how much I rely on voice recognition and AI to get my thoughts down. This blog? I spoke it — my phone typed it.

When I don’t do that — when I try to type with my own hands — people sometimes misunderstand me. They think I’m being too blunt. But it’s not that. It’s just how I communicate.

And that’s the thing:
You might be able to type fast or read easily — but imagine what it’s like for someone with dyslexia or a learning difficulty.

This world is so fast-paced.
And if you can’t keep up, it just leaves you behind.

Even in comedy — if I’m not shouting about myself on Facebook or Instagram every day, people forget you exist. It’s exhausting.

But the positive?
Most of my close friends understand me.
The real ones read between the lines.
And that’s what keeps me going.

I’ve even had a daft idea: maybe I’ll write a show one day called

“What Is Benny Saying?”

Could be funny. Could be serious. Could be both.

This week also had some positives.

Me and Susanna had a great meeting. We’ve started laying the foundations for Blue Badge Bunch as a company — working towards corporate gigs, more disability-led workshops, and doing what we do best: educating through entertainment.

It’s exciting — but slow.

I’ve been self-employed for nearly two years now and I haven’t made a profit. In fact, I’ve spent most of my savings just getting by.

I even tried going back on Jobseeker’s Allowance, but they said no — because apparently I need to apply for a “proper job.”

But when you’ve got a disability like mine, you can only do so much in a day. And then you need a rest day, or at least a slow morning in bed. That’s just how it is.

The government doesn’t get that. Most people don’t.

They look at you and go:

“Here we go, another one banging on about being disabled.”

Well — yeah.
Because it needs saying.

I’m trying my hardest.
I’m creating work — not just for me, but for other disabled people.

And right now, I’m in a shed with cerebral palsy, hands shaking, trying to steady a drill long enough to turn a welly boot or a teapot into a birdhouse — just to make ends meet.

Has it really come to this?
Yeah… it has.

But then again — I’m enjoying it. So why not?

I get to make people laugh on stage.
And now I get to make people happy when they hang a teapot in their garden.

And maybe — just maybe — that’s enough.