The shed has become this space where I’m starting to reconnect with Ben — not Benny Shakes the comedian, but Ben.
Benjamin.
The bloke underneath it all.

A couple of weeks ago, my brother-in-law said something that really stuck with me:

“You need to stop focusing on work and just be on your own. Focus on the real Ben.”

And that’s scary.

When I slow down and look at the past, especially my relationships, I get anxious. All those feelings come back.

But then this weekend, I saw my mate Ian Peskett, and he said something just as powerful:

“You can’t love someone else until you accept and love yourself.”

And he’s right.
Absolutely right.

So that’s what I’m working on.
Day by day, bit by bit, I’m learning to like myself again.

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On Sunday, I had a proper friend day — just went to Wetherspoons with Ian. Nothing fancy. Just sat, talked rubbish, had a laugh, and felt human again.

It gave me a bit of a confidence boost — to keep going, to keep being me, and to keep letting people in.

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Then came Monday — back at the farm, cutting grass and planning winter projects, which I loved.

Straight after, I had a rehearsal with Susanna Clarke and Joe Dickinson, where we workshopped the new Blue Badge Bunch session we’re delivering on Wednesday.

It was a brilliant session.
All three of us together, bouncing ideas, improving the structure, building something funny and meaningful.

It reminded me how lucky I am to have this team around me.

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The farm is the longest job I’ve ever stuck at.
Comedy is the longest career I’ve ever had.

And I think I know why.

It’s because I’m finally surrounded by the right people.
People who see me, who include me, and who don’t leave me sitting in a corner while they talk politics or binge Friends.

They ask for my input.
They respect me.
They want me there.

And that’s what matters — finding your people.
Not ones who just want you for one thing… but people who want all of you, messy bits and all.

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So yeah — it’s been a bit of a weird weekend.

A few frustrations.
A few sawdust splinters.
A lot of reflection.

But also a step closer to something I’ve been avoiding for a while:
Rebuilding Ben.

Not just the performer.
Not just the guy with the jokes.
But the real me.

And that’s worth something.