Well, it’s the 6th of October — I’m late, but early again doing this one. I just wanted to come on and say Happy Cerebral Palsy Day.

I’ve had cerebral palsy since I was born, and yes, I’ve got my challenges. There are days I want to give up. But do you know what? I’ve had the best time of my life these past 42 years.

I’ve achieved so much — I went to college on my own, did a degree in garden design, and now work on a farm one and a half days a week (which I love because I’m outdoors). I’ve started creating artwork in my shed for my mental health, and I keep pushing forward with my business Blue Badge Bunch, creating new children’s shows like Slugageddon, which is developing into something really special.

And finally, I’m a small — very small — promoter helping other disabled people get into comedy.

When I was 30, an ex-friend asked, “Well, you’re 30 — what have you got to show for it?” and back then, I said “nothing.” I’d just started a full-time job and didn’t have many friends. But now I can sit back and say — I’m proud of what I’ve achieved.

I’ve made mistakes along the way in relationships, and to those people, I’m sorry. I was in a bad place then. But we learn from our mistakes. Over the past few months, I’ve realised I’m a better person when I’m sober. I don’t have a drinking problem, but when I drink on my own, the bad Benny comes out — the one who lashes out at himself. And that’s not who I want to be.

I want to be happy. I want to enjoy life. I’m going out more, slowly meeting new people, and that’s what it’s all about — moving forward. Forget what happened nine months ago and look to the future.

And you know what? The future looks quite good. It’s taken me a long time to realise that. Most disabled people my age learned these things years ago, but I’m just getting there — learning to enjoy life, to try dating apps, to go out on my own.

A good friend of mine, Margaret, once said, “Benny, you’re a better person when you’re around your friends.” And she’s right. When I’m on my own, my mind wanders to dark places. But when I get out there, meet friends — old and new — I’m happier.

Don’t get me wrong, I still wish I was with Jess, but it’s done now. She’s on her own journey, and I’m on mine. And I genuinely hope she finds happiness, because she deserves it.

Anyway, I was going to talk about comedy — but I think that’s enough for today. Maybe I’ll do another one on Thursday.

💚 Here’s to moving forward, making peace with the past, and enjoying life as it comes.