This last week has been a very interesting one.

Last Wednesday we delivered another fantastic Blue Badge Bunch workshop at Vision Express in Nottingham. It was a joy listening to everyone talk about what they learnt and how the workshop changed the way they see disability.

On the same day, Neil Benn was in London running a session for the NHS, and I’m genuinely so proud of what he’s achieved this year. Blue Badge Bunch keeps growing, and that means so much.

But we’re coming to the end of the year — and honestly, I’m glad.
It’s been a tough one, and there are still things I’m learning to deal with.

This next bit is personal. And hard. But it needs saying.

When my ex and I first got together, we were in love. We were going out more, seeing friends, enjoying life. But like all relationships, once you get comfortable, you forget what really matters — the effort, the connection, the little things that keep you close.

At the start, she wanted to help me more, and I said:

“No — I don’t want a carer. I want a partner.”

But after about two and a half years, something changed.
Maybe it was my mental health.
Maybe it was the physical pain I was in.
Maybe it was both.

Slowly, she stopped being my partner…
and started becoming my carer.

We weren’t talking properly anymore.
We’d meet up and just say:

“I’m tired. Shall we just watch TV?”

And here’s the truth —
that’s on me.
It was easier for me to slip into my dark place than to communicate properly.
Easier to shut down than to talk things through.
Easier to retreat into myself than to be vulnerable.

And on top of that, she was also transitioning into the woman she truly is. She deserved space, support, and freedom to explore that journey. She deserved someone who could show up emotionally, and I wasn’t able to do that towards the end.

It also didn’t help that the UK and America are becoming harsher and harsher on trans men and women — isolating them, dividing them, making them feel unsafe. It hurts knowing people like her, and so many others, have to deal with that on top of everything else.

It’s like every 10 years, history repeats itself.
Segregation. Fear. Hate.
It needs to stop.

Stop segregating people.
Stop punishing the majority.
Stop ignoring the voices of those who need protection the most.

Run this country with respect.
Tax the rich fairly.
Stop shutting out immigrants — they’re the ones who keep this country running.
Respect trans people, disabled people, working-class people — respect everyone.

I wish I could go back and fix things.
But I can’t.

All I can do now is move forward, learn from it, and hope that one day we can be friends again.

Trying to Find My Feet Again

Right now, I don’t want another relationship.
What I truly want is friendship, laughter, and new memories.

But trying to navigate the disabled world while dating or even making new friends is hard — because you have to listen to your body 24/7.
You can only make plans when your body lets you.
And sometimes your mind says yes while your body says absolutely not.
It’s frustrating, but it’s the reality I’m learning to accept.

One thing that’s really kept me grounded lately is the farm.
I’ve had some great days there restoring and maintaining the paths for the goats. And sure, they could get someone else — but it gives me so much joy. Even if I move slower and take extra breaks, I’m still giving back, still part of something useful.

Here are some photos of the paths I’ve been restoring.

And now that Christmas is coming up, I’ve decided I’m going to my family’s this year.
Some of you know I usually don’t enjoy it — I’d rather stay at home or hide away in the shed — but this year I’m making the effort. I’m trying to break old habits, make new memories, and focus on moving forward instead of sitting alone with the past.

Learning to Handle Things Differently Online

I’m also really proud of how I’ve been handling myself on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok lately. Just because you’re disabled doesn’t mean you can’t do the things you love — you just have to navigate the world a bit differently.

Last night I did a TikTok live while I was drying some paint, and I accidentally dropped a dust-roll hairdryer on the floor… while it was still turned on! A person in the chat wrote:

“This bloke needs supervision.”

Now, six years ago that would’ve crushed me.
I would’ve blocked them straight away, got upset, overthought it, spiralled… all of it.

But last night?
It took me one second to realise something:

That person didn’t need blocking —
they needed educating.

They needed to see that disabled people make mistakes the same as anyone else.
We’re not fragile.
We’re not helpless.
We’re human — and humans drop things, burn things, spill things, fall over… it’s normal.

It’s not the mistake that matters —
it’s how you deal with it.

And I think I dealt with it quite well.

If you want to see the clip, it’s up on my Facebook page.
Go and have a look — and let me know what you think.

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